The Winds of Change

 In the midst of selling all our furniture, re configuring the relationship between Mzuzu Crisis Nursery and Ministry of Hope (our parent organization in Lilongwe), finding a new home for our 120 lb dog, dealing with the challenges of rainy season, and keeping an eye on our babies, we keep an ear on the rest of the world by listening to BBC.

This morning BBC's Network Africa reported on late breaking news from Malawi. Justice and Constitutional Affairs Minister George Chaponda announced that Malawi will soon criminalize breaking wind in public. The rationale? Call it a top to bottom effort to “preserve public decency”. The bill will be discussed in Parliament this week. (An urgent topic in a country that survives on eggs, cabbage and beans.) Breaking wind, intentional or not, will apparently be seen as a crime punishable by ????  Perhaps, before turning 60, we would have found this prospect less alarming. But now the wind blows where and when it wills and we are nervous about the consequences. Our diet has no bearing on the situation, nor does our health status. Nope. "Better in than out" may be the rule of the day but too often we find that our intestinal system acts as a kingdom unto itself.

Our personal anxiety aside, The question is...how will this new law be enforced? Will police now be on the beat with fart sniffing dogs? How will an infraction even be noticed on minibuses where the olfactory and auditory senses are already overloaded? What about those who have perfected the fine art of SBD's ? (silent but deadly). Will there be degrees of culpability like 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree farting with intent to foul the air? Will people be able to carry a doctor's excuse to indicate they are suffering from chronic “crummies in tummies? Critics of the proposed ban fear it could lead to potential miscarriage of justice as guilty parties try to pass on the blame. Who knows?

The international press has had a field day. Various papers in Great Britain published stories that Malawi was working on a law to punish people who fart around. The Register exclaimed "Malawi Poised to Outlaw Farting" with a subtitle "Clampdown on undisciplined bowels".  UK's Mirror had the headline “Breaking Wind is to Become a Crime in Malawi” and added “It is already causing a stink.” Local papers have responded with credulity and embarrassment.

But think about it. How many times have you been in public, caught a whiff of foul smelling emissions, and said to yourself, “There oughta be a law!” As one unapologetic official pointed out there already is a law in several places, including Singapore, against “fouling the air” by passing gas in public.

So this is a warning to all those planning to travel to the Warm “Heart” of Africa.
NO MORE FARTING AROUND IN MALAWI!!